We're almost there....

So it's been an insane week at work, and I've been constantly busy. I really haven't had much time to think about anything other than work and work! So busy that I don't even have time to be excited about my birthday tomorrow, but thankfully there's a crew of people that won't let me forget.

While I was away in St. John's (aka Deathville) destroying my body and spending quality time with Mr. and Mrs. Gus, Jenny and who can forget Brian, my friends/family were planning my bday. Before I move forward I need to aknowledge Brian in St. John's who reminds me alot of my crew back home cause he only believes in one thing......partying like a fuckin' rockstar!!! If you ever get a chance to read this Brian.....'Thank you for a great night on George St. and when you come to Ottawa I promise to repay you with a crazy night minus all the fights!!!' Back to my friends back home, they took it upon themselves to plan a birthday party for me in my absence.

I get back home late Sunday night and GP came to scoop me from the airport, and it felt so good to be back home. I basically shut er' down and went straight to bed trying to wrap my head around what the hell just happened in the past 4 days. Gus got married...WTF, and I was straggling the streets until 6am with Brian!

Waking up Monday was brutal but nonetheless it had to be done. I knew I was in for a crazy week at work which was fine, but I open my email at work and there it was....."You have been invited to Alok's Bday Bash 'The Black Party'!!! What a bunch of beauties my friends are...LB, The Doc, Memory, Sweezy and GP were all responsible for this private bday bash and I'm truly thankful to all of them for setting this up. Some people say that friends come and go, but to be honest mine haven't gone anywhere and I don't think I'll even let them leave my life. I don't think I thank them enough for all they do for me whether it be supporting me, assisting my alter ego Zack, winging it or just plain hang with me. You guys really out did yourselves this time....thank you. I guess when your friends wear slacks as clean as they do, you'd be crazy to let them go!!

Boy was I wrong about the East Coast....

So I've returned from St. John's where I went down to take part in a wedding. Most times when I book a trip I get pretty excited a day or two before the actual date of travel, but for this adventure I was so busy with work that I really didn't have a chance to get amp'd up! My buddy getting married, Jacob "GUS", is my longest friendship that I have since we became extremely close friends from grade 1. I let him know months before the wedding that no matter when or where it is, I'm there in a heartbeat.

Getting to the airport at 8am was horrible, my head was still thinking about work (as gay as that sounds), and I honestly didn't know what I was getting myself into by going to St. John's. Sleeping the whole way there was good, but waking up just 10 minutes before landing in SJ's was a little shocking. As captain Turdball gets on the intercom; '..attendents please cross check for landing, and make sure all seats and trays are back in their upright position...', I wake up and look out the window to see what SJ's is all about. NOT MUCH!! I was desperately looking for a downtown area or some type of shopping mall, but all I saw was a shit load of rocks, barron land and a few small houses. All I could think was "great......I'm here for four days!". I know this sounds very close minded of me, and it is! I don't have a lame excuse for the way I think, that's just how I roll.

Gus was at the airport waiting for me, so we hop into his truck and start catching up on old times. First thing I had to ask was; 'So where the fuck is the rest of this town?'.....'You're in it, this is it'. He noticed that I started to get the shakes and immediately took me to the liquor store to hydrate my body and calm my nerves. After we downed some local ale by the name of QV Beer, I was prepared to embrace this town and whatever shots it was aiming to fire at me. The whole weekend was filled with brunch parties, dinners, meeting in-laws and helping Gus prepare for his big day. He really went out of his way and provided me with some of the coolest living arrangments by renting a house right on the Atlantic Ocean......it was truly breathtaking. I'm not a big nature fan, but I have to admit the ocean is pretty fuckin' cool.

After landing I got ready and was off to the first of many parties, this one took place right after the wedding rehersal and was at Andrea's aunt's place (Andrea is the bride to be). We mingled with the family and I got to catch up with Gus's mom, Sue, who is one of the coolest people around. We began throwing down drinks, and I was slowly begining to realize that I was surrounded by 80 white people and I was the only colored person there!! I got a little nervous as I got drunker but suprisingly the newfies just formed a circle around me in the kitchen as I began to tell story after story about Gus and being brown!! I took on the name of simply being called the brown newfie! Everything seemed to be going great until Aunt Barbara took me by the arm and dragged me outside and said 'It's time to induct you into being an honorary Newfie!!' WTF?!?! Isn't flying from Ottawa to here good enough?? Dammit, these white people were about to humiliate me and I knew it!

They had me sit in the backyard while being surrounded by 60 drunk men, all of whom were yelling.....SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH!! At that point I was prepared to shit my pants, and then when Aunt Barbara came out in a yellow rain suit holding a raw cod and a bottle of liquor I did! Not literally but in my head there was shit everywhere. She gets all the drunk men to shut the hell up, as she breaks out into this long speech about how the traditions of SJ's state that you must kiss a raw fish on the mouth, take a shot of this liquor called Screech and then say this gay quote.

"Screeching in" consists of kissing a cod, drinking the Newfie Scotch called Screech, and reciting: "Long may your big jib draw!"

So I look over at Gus, who's holding his camera to make sure he gets all the footage he can of me being a total ass, and tell him to get ready!! I whispered across the backyard and told him that I'm about to take this tradition to the next level. As I get called up to kiss the fish, I walk over and shut the crowd up by asking for everyones attention. This kinda threw everybody off, as they see this skinny brown kid telling 60 drunk newfies to shut the fuck up....but they did! I just thanked Aunt Barbara for making me feeling like one of her own and thanked both families for all their kindness and hospitality, then I asked everybody if they were prepared to watch a brown man screech in. After everyone began yelling, I walked up to the Cod bent over and instead of kissing him on the mouth I put his whole head in my mouth and in true Ozzy Osbourne fashion I bit his head off and spit it out.....then grabbed my Screech and threw it down. At this point the entire backyard was erupting with laughter and yelling; I then recite "Long my Jibbs chain hang low!!" Gus and his family then ran over and started hugging and cheering me on, not because of me being screeched in, but I think they were envious of my clean slacks.

Once a year....

I'm gonna be blunt and honest.....being sick sucks ass!!! There's one thing I hate the most and that's being sick. I've been out of commission the past couple of days because my allergies have seem to taken over my life, and mix that in with a cold = me being fucked! I usually feel like this on Monday's but that's because of all the exessive drinking from the weekend. I did do my fair share of drinking this past weekend, with back to back 5am party sessions, but when I spend to much time in the back seat I tend to catch a cold.

It's been awhile, but my bro and sis are finally back from the homeland with tons of cool gear. They went down to do some shopping, and they didn't disappoint!! The Doc made sure that all the boys (Sweezy, LB, Juelz, Alex P. Keaton and Memory) are all laced up for the big wedding, with matching God outfits.

Even though the Doc was pretty tired, it didn't stop us from lighting it up on Saturday night at Social. We were supposed to go for A drink, but obviously we eneded up shutting the place down for Nikita's going away party. Everybody was there, so it made for a good time and an even crazier afterparty.

I wasn't feelin all that hot on Sunday, but Monday is when I went into feeling like ass mode. It's been downhill since then, but today I'm feeling a little better. Hopefully I'm 100% before my flight tomorrow morning. The next couple of days should be eventful when I head down east to party my brains out......and I'll be updating the blog twice a day! I'll leave you for now, but prepare yourself to make sure you have a clean pair of slacks on for the days ahead.

I'm a fan just like you.......

I frequent alot of site on the net that deal with celebrity gossip and world news, but there is this one site that uploads some pretty funny videos. These guys give some hilarious insight into how dumb celebs really are, and after watching most of their videos I wonder why I even like celebs!! I guess once your a junkie there's no turning back!! There latest vid, is a rip on 'The Hills' TV show, which I'm a huge fan of but once again after watching it I feel like an idiot for even supporting these dumb broads. Don't get me wrong though.....I love Audrina, LC, Whitney and yes Heidi just as much as the next dirtbag, but after watching the video I just want to slap some sense into these dumb donkeys!!! Have a watch and please let me know that I'm not alone with this.



You have to admit.....that's some funny shit!! ....and as dumb as their made to look, it's not too far from the truth. Don't you think?

Clash Of The Titans 9/12

For those who have been frequenting the blog lately you might have come accross a posting titled "It's all about positioning.....". This post was inspired by a pretty wild night out with the crew on a random Tuesday night a couple of weeks ago, and in the entry I wrote about a young lady who was sporting a t-shirt that read 'cock tease'. Two of my boys, LB and Sweezy, were involved in the story and it was LB who was attempting to holler at her. However, Sweezy got her name and in the blog I considered it a scoop from LB. LB read the post and entered a comment, which consisted of a freestyle aimed directly to Sweezy, and within seconds the battle had begun! These two Titans both had some choice words for each other, and the battle rang out on the comments portion for days, as readers kept checking back to see who would be victorious. Some innocent competitors from San Fransisco even tried to enter the battle, but left with their tails between there legs after getting shut down by both Sweezy and LB!! After all the speculation on who won the battle, no one has ultimately decided which is why I'm posting 1 freestyle directly from LB himself, and 1 directly from Sweezy as well.

They would like to let the public decide who is the number one Titan.....so I present you with 'Clash of the Titans'. After reading the two verses, make sure to vote on the poll at the top right menu of the this page!! LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!

Sweezy's Verse;
LB imma tell ya straight off the bat
It ain’t easy fuckin with ur boy in a combat
Sweezy is who I be
Dont ever need to pray for me
Woke up this morning to leave a warning
I give every dude a reason to keep it talking
O-town is where I stunt
Light up and toke back on this blunt
So hood, instead of hold up, they tell me freeze up
LB you wanna scrap?
Roll your sleeves up I bring my “A” game on every night
Rollin’ with hundreds, yeah I do it right
Homie believe I'm about this battle action
You aren’t even worth a small fraction
You say you make it rain
But you just pour the Gin on your brain
Passenger seat is Tasha geared up in her Prada
Says Sweezy you so fine u must be on the grind
Yup that’s how I get down cause this chick is blind
This spit is gonna put the red in your face
LB just put it in first gear cause he got lost in the race
Let everyone know that Sweezy’s the boss!
“I paid dues my moves done made news” like Ricky Ross!
LB you don’t stand a chance
Rap ain’t your shit dog so go acid out to techno dance
Its going down to a certain extent
I make it pour so go hide under ur tent
You know Sweezy be ballin’ harder
Even Diddy would say I be livin larger
Pockets exploding with credit cards
And your boy is in the VIP with all your broads
Mr. Me Too let me holla at you
Tell this dude that my rhymes are sicker then the flu
LB you about to be walking around with a frown
Don't hate on me boy if you do "bang-bang" get down
And this battle is officially over, ya dig, now wheres my crown?
SWEEZY

LB's Verse;
Ohhhh my good friend Sweezy thinks he can spit game now, wow, good for him!
You are all about to witness the second coming of Jesus Christ Himself!!
"Making it Rain" is from the past,
But my boy Sweezy is still trying to make it last.
He's throwing all his money around,
Like he's the other white boy rapper, the one from D-Town!
What he still doesn't see is that ballers like me,
Get ALL there drinks for free, no matter where they be!
I got's the Patron for the morn',
The Goose to get em' loose
Sweezy keeps yelling, "Give me that Rum,
Cause all that other shit hurts my Tummy-Tum-Tum!!"
Poor little baby,
Should be drinking Aquafina maybe.
Cause the way the water flows,
Threw his up-chucking throat is like a fuckin' joke!!
He trys to hang with the BIG BOYS,
But keeps getting laughed at like a kids toy.
Like a Tickle-Me-Elmo that gets mad love from the kids
At Christmas his pick-up lines are worse than that Cheese without all the Wiz!
It's LB Baaaaaaby.........Postioning himself like he's crazy,
Even when his eyes are all hazy
And his boy Sweezys getting all lazy,
Eating those pout's with all that GRAVY!!

Hold Up Hold Up, wait a minute I gotta just clear one last thing up about last night here before I peace out......

LB doesn't get cock teased, he just make those Perfect 10 models buckle at the knees,

Put so much ice on there wrists it makes there whole bodies freeeeeeeeeze!!!!!!!

LB Out

Don't forget to vote for who you think is the best!! Winner will be announced Friday September 14th, 2007, with all the bragging rights in the world.

I got your back like chiroprac....

I'ma start this one off with my personal idol, and someone who always get's me thinking everytime I hear one of his lines. The greatest of all time (YOU HEARD ME!!)

"Got a project chick, that plays her part

And if it goes down y'all that's my heart

Baby girl so thorough she been with me from the start

Hid my drugs from the NARCs, hid my guns by the parts"

- Jay Z 'Sean Carter' Blueprint 'Girls Girls Girls'

Everyone hates Monday's, and I'm no exception. You wake up tired, work all day and when the 9-5 is done you're just completely drained. This past Monday was right out of a story book.....the day came to an end and I was sooo tired from such a busy day that all I wanted to do was shut er' down with a good movie and maybe some popcorn. However, I quickly forgot that my middle name is 'slave labour' and I was reminded of that as soon as I got home.

As soon as work was done LB hollers at me to meet him for A drink, which was a little out of the ordinary but I didn't think twice, even though I was exhausted. After a few Gin 7's and some seafood I ended up getting home around 7ish, when the GOD calls me out! "Babu come sit, we need to talk"........ahhh shit! I sat with the God and heard what he had to say..."We have small problem, and we need you to go to office and make us report for one of your sisters accounts". This didn't seem that bad, and I'm always there for my parents in a heartbeat.....but what the God tells me after is that the client needs this report Wednesday morning and it's Monday night. I realized that this report was gonna take me at least 5 hours to do, which meant I get to spend the night at my parents office by myself. I was pissed to shits! Just as quickly as I walked through the doors, I was back out and on my way back downtown.

Heading back downtown I got super lucky cause GP hollered to see what was up, so I filled her in explaining how the whole situation was bullshit and that I would be stuck in the office all night. Basically I was just complaining how everything sucked!! This is where the story begins.....without any hesitation "Do you need any help, cause I can help?". I'm always a little hesitant to ask for help but it was the GP and I knew I really had no option with the Doc and Mon out of town, so I called in the favour. Before I even get to the office the GP is sitting there waiting for me......what did I do to deserve a friend like this?

We get into the overheated office and get to work, and my first task was to hack into my sister's computer to pull out a file that Sanchez and SLNS needed for this upcoming wedding, but I was so pissed and tired that I couldn't find the file to save my life!! ....And I'm usually pretty tight with this kind of hacking.....ask GP, I ain't lying! "Get out of the way, I'll do this shit!", 30 seconds later......GP's got it. I couldn't believe it, but was glad that at least one of was on the ball. I would usually never let her know that I was impressed or proud whenever she did something better that I know I could have easily done, but I have to hand it to her this time cause she did good! With the first task out of the way, we began working on the report....and as the hours went by I began asking her how her day was.........SO GET THIS; She went to school all day starting at 8am and finishing at 8pm then went home made dinner and cleaned up and still without hesitation (and I'm gonna keep saying that because before I even said 'yes I need help' she was there!) came to help me, and not once did she complain. Oh yeah, she also explained how her cousin made the basketball team at school and her family was taking her out to dinner that night too, but she was still right there helping!!! Instead of taking 5 hours to do, thanks to GP we wrapped that shit up in 3 hours!

We both left the office tired as can be a little after midnight, and the whole way home I was just thanking god for the extra help he sent on which was the longest Monday of my life. But here's the kicker.....whenever I help my family with something they always reward me in some way for helping out, so naturally I felt that I should reward the GP for going completly out of her way too. So before I went to bed I hit her up thanking her for helping me and that she would be rewarded for her help; and this is what I got.....;"I don't need any reward, I got you as a best friend!" Speechless. People like that only come once every hundred years, and they're usually sporting a clean pair of slacks.

I need your input on this one.....

So this past weekend with all the god damn partying that took place.....I was put in the middle of an all too familiar situation!! In the words of one of our more prolific poets to date, Mr. Snoop Dogg, he states.....and we call all relate;

"Now this types of shit, happens all the time. You got to get yours but fool I gotta get mine. See everything is fine when you listenin to the d-o-g"

Standing outside the club Saturday night, my colleague and woardy approaches me, who is might I add quite enebriated.....and hits me with a favour. He has shown interest in a young lady who is in the club and she is willing to come back to our place, but only if her friend agrees to join her....for moral support of course. He needs me to talk to her friend and convince her to come back home with us, so without hesitation I go right in for the kill. I pull her friend aside and basically asked her to come back to our place and let the two love birds get their shit together. Now in a perfect world she would have said, sure no problem, but instead I was hit with...."I don't think so...you want to use me to hook your friend up with mine?? Why can't anyone just love me and not always my friends!!" Yeah I know, my buddy is pretty much fucked! I turn my head to think of a quick comeback, but before I know it my drunken buddy has stepped in and has his arm around the only ticket he's got to get this girl. However, what he doesn't realize is that he has two loaded guns and is preparing to shoot himself in the foot, which he does quite nicely! The whole operation got destroyed and he left empty handed.

What I want to know is, why would she block so hard and what would YOU DO in this situation????

Snoop doesn't lie, because everything would have been fine if we WERE listening to the D-O-G.

Why Stop Now.....

A short work week comes to an end and all I can hear my liver say is....'What do you say we just hang out me and you this weekend?', which is when I begin to give my own liver direct haymakers as people walk by my desk at work. I don't make the rules, but I sure do play by them...which is why I only have two hours to prepare for a last minute house party that I've decided to throw tonite!!! 40's of Gin and Rum are ready to go, pre game meals have been destroyed and the celly is on serious overtime.

We get the party poppin' pretty early, with Sweezy and myself who don't waste anytime and hit the bottle at 8 then people start to trickle in with LB, GP, Bean, Sanchez, Big Z & and the Ghund Crew and of course Memory and Service. Couple of hours later DJAjayB rolls through and last but most definitely not least my girl Nikita rolls in. The party is in full swing and the whole crew is getting completely crunked, while Nikita's snapping shot like she's got an US Weekly deadline to meet. Friday was eventful.....a little hazy towards the end, but all I hope is that Nikita made her flight to Vegas for the MTV Music Awards.....damn she party's hard!

You know it was a good night when you wake up and it takes you about 30 seconds to realize where you are and what the fuck happened to your life! After that 30 seconds you can either (A) grab your shit and get the fuck home, (B) go back to bed and hope someone who knows you walks in a tells you all about your night, or (C) grab your cell phone and start calling people who were at the same party to find out what the deal is.....I opted for (B) which worked out pretty well for me. Sweezy and GP came in and jumped on the bed, which set us up to lay there for a few hours watching Newport Beach!! I could have stayed there all day but of course slave labour was calling my name and I had to jet!!

The rest of the day was a write off until around 7pm, when the phone starts blowing up and the boys want to light it up again. I was lying on the couch receiving all these calls when he started chirping again, that's when I had to haymaker my liver again while yelling 'shut the fuck up you bastard....I run this shit, not you'! It was weird because my hand started to hurt and he wasn't shutting up, so I thought that maybe I should take it easy tonite? I get cleaned up with the intentions of staying in and so I call up my lady friend and she heads over to watch a movie. She came by but not to much later one by one, the boys start rolling in with party favours.....Sweezy with Red Bull, LB with Darts and Chew, Memory with little pieces of paper that say I.O.U, and Service with his CD changer!! She just looks at me like I'm a complete alchy, but I surprised even myself by drinking water while all the boys pre-drank at my place.

We gonna do this shit or what??? No.....no we're not!! It felt so weird to not pre-drink with the boys and then have them leave my place, all a little tipsy on their way to the club!! When I know their going to be walking into a honey infested party with tons of free booze and tons of late night eats, it was almost like when you're parents drop you off at overnight camp for a week and you see them drive away and you're so sad and pissed!!! So with the boys gone, I'm left alone with my lady friend and I decide to not let this ruin my evening, so movies we're watched and food was killed....all in all it was a pretty good night. I didn't have one drink, and got into a great conversation while hanging out.....however she got pretty tired and was dosing off, so I was left alone when she took off at about 12:35. Without any fail, and I'm gonna get religious on your ass, but what I'm about to tell you was nothing less than god sending me a message!! 12:38 my cell phone rings.....Sweezy......WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU....GET DOWN HERE, WE HAVE BOTTLES N' SHOTS!! I'm gonna be honest but if there was a flavour of gum called Bottles N' Shots I would never have to go clubbing.....ever, but since their isn't I really had no choice but to fufill my addiction...right? Right!

Rolling into the club at 1:00, I'm left with one solid hour to get crunk, and as I enter the club I see Dooner so now I know that this task won't be hard to accomplish. Shot's were shot, drinks were drunk and Learn Visa's were being swiped like I was at Holt Renfrew the day before X-Mas!! Good friends, good times......but you gotta go home! Heading home at 3:30 with LB is alright, but it's even better when you get Sweezy, Memory and Service/Google to pick you up shawarma's from Sandrella's!!! As the night comes to an end I'm ready to pass the fuck out, so I look down at myself and think.....'Damn these slacks are clean', and put on my PJ's and hit the pillow at 4:30am. All I could here my liver whisper was.....'I hope tomorrow's Monday!!'. Shitty for him it's Sunday.....and it's week 1 of the NFL regular season, HOLLA!

P.S. You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women by chasing money.

What Would You Do.......

I've taken a day off from adding any new posts for a couple of personal reasons, however by taking that day off I've had a chance to really clear my head and take a step back. This past week has been pretty eventful, as you already know, but there was alot of stuff that didn't include drinking and partying that really opened my eyes.

Tribe Called Quest really defines what I'm about to go into with their song 'Scenario'...

"Here we go yo, Here we go yo

So what's the what's the what's the

Scenario"

I feel like I wake up everyday and nothing seems to be the same, and when you work a 9-5 that's kinda odd. More importantly, with all of the partying and going out that I've been doing lately, the atmosphere seems to have changed......and definitely not for the worse. My life is still great, and I'm happy as can be, but being faced with all types of scenario's has really slowed me down a bit. What I mean by 'slowed me down', is that it's got me thinking about things I never once thought about or has brought me back to a place I once used to be in.

When close friends go through any type of turmoil, for some reason it always seems to ground me in a way that is difficult to describe, but it includes that nervous feeling you get in your stomach as your about to get on a rollercoaster. This week I was faced with a tough scenario that included a friend who is very dear to my heart that was so upset and mad, that I began to feel upset too. I don't know if that's normal, but I only did what I knew how to do, pushed my feelings aside and attempted to put myself in their shoes. When I did this, it brought me back to about two years ago when my brother and I stopped talking and really got into a huge fight. That was by far the hardest time I've ever had to face in my life, simply because of the close relationship my brother and I have. Listening to my friend tell me about their problem made me realize that no matter what I do, I can't let them get anywhere close to the scenario I was in! Family relationships can be very fragile, and I feel that there should never be an outsider interferring within that problem. All decisions must be made within the family circle and agreed upon by everybody included in that family.

I'm not going to go into any detail about what I did or said.......but all I know is that whenever god throws you a scenario like this, make sure you think twice about everything you do or say, make sure your ears are always open, and more importantly make sure you have a clean pair of slacks on.

Don't think for one second either that I know exactly what to do in this scenario, I'm simply just using my experience and massive amounts of support that I received back in the day from my 'Dear Abbey'....LB. It's always easy to trust somebody who wears clean slacks.

You need to position yourself......

Going back to work after the long weekend is always hard, I don't care who you are. It doesn't matter how light your day is.....your freakin' tired all day, and most people including the ones at my work were all looking forward to going home and taking it easy. Being the sick individual I am, I was honestly looking forward to going home and having a drink! However, this decision was shared all across the board from LB, Sweezy, Memory and Sanchez....so I didn't feel that big of a loser after all.

Tuesday after work is where we begin, cause frankly nothing went down at work yesterday. Five o'clock hits and I'm out the door, along with every other tired worker including my boss 'The Queen'.......we call her that cause honestly, she runs shit! Rollin' in the G whip I head over to the mall to scoop up my Hilary Duff tickets....you heard me, there's no reason to hate or laugh. It's called strategic planning (you can make whatever you want from that comment). On my way home and the phone is blowing up....LB wants to get crunk and so does Cult Jam's crew, especially Ant. With the Doctor gone I have full access to the Row, but more importantly the skydeck which is a fan favorite. Sanchez also comes out of nowhere and holler's to see what's down.....'I'll be at the skydeck in 30....DONE'. So as my coworkers nestle into their PJ's, I'm basically setting myself up for yet another weekday yardsale.

I'm ready to hit up the skydeck, but of course there always has to be a catch......the God calls "Babu can you pick me at Silvercity", and before I can respond I get the good ol' dialtone. FUCK! Picking up the God is an experience in itself everytime, Memory knows how this one goes. When you roll up to the God it all starts by him starring down the car for a solid 5 minutes wondering if that Black Acura with his last name on the plates is actually his and not the other Ahuja family. Door opens......"So you bring this car", NO IT'S A FUCKIN' REPLICA!!! I keep my mouth shut and the God talks the whole way home everytime without fail, apparently he made friends with one of the usher's at the movies, I believe his name was Dan. "So you know Dan is good boy, he works hard....like you right?", realllly. As soon as the God gets dropped off the rips start....."Where are you going?"...."Out"..."Why do you party so much?"....."That's what deadbeats do Dad"....."Stupid idiot, you never going to...(door slams shut and I'm out)". I take off and laugh to myself as I see the God still in the driveway lecturing me even though I've left to get crunk.

The Row consists of drinks that were drunk, and Sanchez doin' some crazy vodoo shit with Ant.....which to be honest freaked my ass out a little bit. It was cool of Cult Jam to roll through even though she had her first day of skool as a science teacher! The party cleared out early and with Memory on his way, and LB, Sweezy and myself all with parched throats we really had no real option but to hit up Gracies. The crew rolled out and headed over to the number one yardale in Ottawa on Tuesday nights.

We roll in four deep like Color Me Badd, and head straight to the back bar to post up like the deviant stalkers we are. I still can't get over how much eye candy there is in that fuckin' bar, unbelievable! Drinks were drunk to get drunk, and old friends kept coming up that we haven't seen in awhile. As I look around I began to realize that there was something extremely wrong with this whole scenario.....why the fuck wasn't GP here, and who does she think she is to miss a weekday gathering??? The texting starting, basically calling her out on being a lightweight and the fact the were going to strip her of her name and demote her back to the hyphen. Trust me you don't ever want to be the hyphen, just ask Sweezy.....he did good with that! 10 minutes later GP rolls through ready to do the damn thing, I'm not gonna sugar coat anything but I was proud of her for sticking to her guns and coming out. From her PJ's to the dancefloor in 20 minutes.....god bless her:) Sweezy's boys were lining up shots and more drinks were flying than the Ottawa international air show.....when it all happened. Blue eyes, blond hair standing bout' 6'1 and a shirt that ready 'Cock Tease'.....we all fell in love, me for the 40th time, but LB fell real hard.

His night became a quest to holler at this girl, and trust me when he begin's to mission....just get the fuck out of the way and don't try to give his hard head any advice. Standing on the patio with GP, Sweezy and Memory.....LB comes out looking for a dart, when he just grabs the pack and leaves us to post up at the front. We just start laughing at him, but then out of nowhere 'Cock Tease' comes out and asks him if he has an extra dart?? WTF?? He just happened to have the pack....coincidence....I don't think so! She throws the dart in her mouth and LB lights her up, but before he can even say 'your welcome', her back is turned and she's hollering at some other dude!!!! We all die laughing, but then LB came back instantly to us and let us know that it's all about positioning yourself. Sure thing, that's why Sweezy rolled in for the scoop.......she's now known as Diane!!! Good times, good friends but more importantly even better donks.

Just as cool as we were rolling in, we form tight and roll out.....and you could hear all the wankster's on the patio whisper....'damn that crew's slacks are unbelievably clean, how do they do it??' You better ask somebody.......maybe Diane knows:-)

कीप होल्डिंग इत दोवं इन इंडिया!!! थे रोव इस सफे इन मय हंड्स.

B-Day to B-mores.....it's all good!

There's no better way to wake up after 5 hours of sleep than to your sister banging down your door, yelling to wake the F up!! Most people would snap, but now it's gotten to the point where it's just expected from her. Reason for the early morning yelling, is because it's the Doctors birthday so I gotta get up to do 'family stuff'. In the Hindu tradition, it's a must that on your birthday you wear a new article of clothing, so of course the Doctor rolls over looking fresh to def in a new Armani shirt. I'm still mangled from the night before so he rolls right up to my grill.....'why the fuck is your right eye twitching??'. I'm thinking that it might be the 80 drinks I've had in the past 10days, or maybe the Big Mac with Nuggets, or maybe even the one meal a day I've been having for a week.....but my response.......Allergies!! BAAAHHHHH.

The family hangs out for a bit, then the Doctor has this genius I idea to hit up a patio downtown and get started on killing some drinks. Just waking up from a 10day bender, most people would look at the Doc and call him crazy, but instead I begin to tear up and thank god he's my bro!! Couple minutes later I find myself in a familiar spot......at the bar at 11:30am ordering a round of Corona's. The weather was perfect and the donks were in abundance as far as my cloudy vision could see. My sis and Sanchez came too, and the food and drinks kept coming!! We rolled out after a bit and then I took my bro shopping to get him something for his bday. I ended up getting him a digital camera, hoping that his paparazzi career will one day take off and hopefully be my ticket to one day meet Lohan.

Round 2 starts and we head to a family dinner, where once again eat less drink more took place. Why order the biggest meal on the menu, have one bite and kill three beers instead.......Sweezy knows why!! This was essentially the beggining to what was to become one of the sloushiest nights of my life. I was dead tired but my body knew that it was the Doctor's bday, so it wasn't about to let me down. The pre-drink went down at the Row with LB, Sweezy, Memory, Cult Jam, Chi-Chi and Boriqois. Drinks were drunk, then off to Donny's for more drinks that were drunk! The Doc met up with all his boys, then we grabbed Ch-Chi, better known as the Mayor of Barrymores, and made our way over to the club. The lineup was retarded long, but being with the Mayor has it's privileges.....no waiting in line, and plenty of eye candy!!! The night was kinda hazy but I'll point out some key events from the best of my knowledge.......Drinks were being downed as if they had an expiry date of 3 minutes on them, shots were flying as if we were at a Compton house party with Sweezy, donks were being grinding harder than cheese on a grater, and this all in turn lead to me running up and down the street with a box of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in my hand.

Being back at work today, I'm reminded by a colleague today......'yo man you remember seeing me on Sunday??'. WTF, NO! The night was a success since Memory got some ho's digits, I mean an old fashioned wholesome girls digits, Sweezy drink more then work, and the Doc & LB hit the wall came back and hit the wall again!! I wish I could tell you more but after harrasing GP for having a $4.75 tab on her C-Card, I don't remember much except for waking up on a small ass couch fully dressed from the night before and then realizing that I'm in GP's family room. I can only thank god that today is a holiday and I can just take it easy and hopefully recover from one of the greatest headaches I've ever experienced in my life!!! Little do I know that I'm about to experience the complete opposite of what I want, but with my clean slacks on I guess anything is possible!!

P.S. Do you remeber the back of my Lac with the suicide doors??

Never Let a Soldier Down...

After last night's fiasco I ended up crashing at LB's place not knowing what my name was or what the hell happened that night until I read the blog. I woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing and jumped out of bed wondering if it was the cops.....only to find out it was some turd looking for LB's dad.

I rolled out of LB's place soon after with GP and her cousin and then headed home, a little worried cause my parents had no clue where I was. As I get home, I see this giant 2 ton truck in my driveway loading all the garbage from our garage......it's Domination working his ass off like usual!!! I sneak into the house and change into some ghetto gear and start helping Domination load up the truck. A couple of minutes later who shows up still drunk and wearing my clothes....LB and the Doctor!!! We all start launching shit into the truck, and then after we're done find out that we have to go to the dump to unload the truck!!! If you've ever been to a dump you know what I'm about to say, but for those of you who are virgin's......listen close. It's probably one of the nastiest places I've ever been in my life, and I've slept in Bean's basement. I began unloading the truck but as soon as my shift was up I blew my brains out from the stench!! I was sooooo nasty, and my throat is still burning.

I passed the fuck out all day after that and woke up at 8pm, basically with nothing else on my mind except for a cold drink. I got ready and Memory came by to scoop me so we could go to LB's place to get our drink on. Once again the whole crew showed up...Sweezy(who ditched a wedding to roll with the fam), Doctor and Cult Jam. We began to get our drink on, and everybody starting ripping on the whole blogging thing, so to all you fuckers I say.....FUCK YOU!!!!

We rolled downtown all with a good buzz, and began to run the city like Diddy. GP was already there holding down a VIP booth with her fam, and we came in without saying a word and already had a bar tab waiting for us. Sweezy didn't fuck around and made sure to order enough Polar Bears to make Yukon jealous. He did real good. The drinks kept coming and the night got hazy.....most of my crew left but it didn't matter to me because it was Doctor's bday and I wasn't about to go anywhere without him. My boss from work showed up and began pulling me in for some heart to hearts....but it's all good. Sanchez was beat as can be so he rolled out with my sis.....then the Doctor and I rolled over to meet the rest of the crew at Velvet Room for some free drinks courtesy of K-Town. She was a little bitter with me, and wasn't able to hook me up with any drinks cause it was passed last call......which was totally gay!!!

We rolled out of Velvet after a bit of begging, but what was about to happen next none of us expected. Earlier in the day when I was napping I had a dream about two of the greatest foods ever, colliding to conform into one mega delight. I grabbed Sweezy and made my way to Mickey D's for a Big Mac stuffed with Chicken Nuggets!!! I visioned to combination in my dream, and I knew my night wouldn't be complete without it. Sweezy, Memory and myself all destroyed one of the greatest combinations I've ever thought of.....and walked out of Mickey D's with the biggest smiles on our faces. We got into Memory's car, and I thought we were going home but was I ever wrong! Two minutes later we roll up to M&G's which is one of the greatest chip wagon's in Ottawa! Some of the crew rolled over to the wagon for poutines and small fry's!!! Being the dirtball Sweezy is....he get's a pout....and being the dirtball I am....I stab it!!! However, Sweezy was dropping shit all over himself, but he didn't let one soldier go to waste!! That's when it hit me......he is one of a kind! Gravy was flying and people were laughing, but it was all good because we all made sure to have a clean pair of slacks on. So much to be said........

P.S. There's no job's out there unless you wanna work 40 hours a week!!

What More Can I Say....

So another night begins, and I really didn't expect half of what happened. Once again, I finished work and was planning to take it easy maybe hang out with my mom and pops, but what happens......LB hollers!! I almost forgot that it was Friday night, so once I was reminded I instantly picked up the pieces of what was left of my dignity from the night before, brushed my teeth and headed over to LB's crib. Don't get me wrong.....I'm still in last night's gear.....you love it!!!

We start off with a couple of beers, and some Newport Beach...my new addiction. If you don't know what Newport Beach is you honestly need to Google that shit and just indulge yourself with the greatest high school drama you've ever seen in your life. Drinks go down the gullet and more fam shows up .......Sweezy rolls through, then Memory and our new addition New Shit (NS)!! He's known as NS for a reason, cause he obviously rolls through with the newest music known to man, which is why we were all jamming to Kanye's new CD all night!! As I played Good Life on repeat for about 30 minutes.....the doctor shows up with Cult Jam, and then the drinking really threw down. Scratch tickets were being killed and Corona's were being jugged, and that's when I realized that I was completely destroyed!! GP was calling for a pick up so she could join in on the drink fest, so I instantly rolled out with Sweezy to grab my partner in crime!!

Reason number 1 why GP is tha shit, and you'll all begin to learn this, she rolls into the car with 2 Corona road rockets!!! You heard me.....

We all show up to the club rolling 10 deep, looking around like we run shit, and I ain't gonna lie cause we do!!! I'm at the Trump International ask about me.(Jay Z quote....you love it). We walk in and the club is pretty quite but that doesn't stop us from shutting the bar down by ordering a fluery of drinks.....doubles, triples and more shots than the eye can see. Let me remind you that Memory still can't drink from the wisdom teeth, but I look over and watch him guzzle down a hand full of Polar Bear shots all while holding two vodka 7's. God bless him. Next thing you know, the Doctor, Cult Jam, Capone, Sanchez, Coug and Barb roll through ready to shut shit down, and that's exactly what they did. I was feelin' the jamz so hard that I lost track of everything......you know what I'm sayin'.....when your so caught up in the moment of the music and environment that you don't realize that your grinding you best friends girl!!! Not that I was grinding my best friends girl, but I was feeling the DJ that hard!!! The music was unreal, and to be honest I was so lost in the moment with GP listening to the music I felt like I was in Mexico!!! To bad it was cold as fuck tonite!!

So the night started to come to an end when some juice monkey knocked over my Gin and 7, and replaced it with a Vodka 7......fuckin' fag!!! It still didn't stop me from killing it......but for some reason I couldn't find Doctor and LB. The drinking continued and the dancing didn't stop, until it hit me and I couldn't breath cause of the shitty air in that joint and the massive amount of Helicopter Dunking!!! I decided to leave everybody and get some fresh air, but didn't realize that I was completely fucked......so that's when I began to stumble and work my way to a quite corner. GP found my drunk ass, and like usual took care of my stupid ass!!! Why she's my friend, I don't know, but to be honest I thank god she is.

We eventually rolled out to NS's car, thinking that we were on our way home, but little did I know that I was on my way to one of the greatest treats Ottawa has to offer. I get out of the car, barely able to walk and stumble into a little place called Georgie's Pizza, where they offer a slice of pizza covered in gravy. Greatest shit ever!!!! GP's fam was there and they're gravy virgins, so the whole experience was unreal.

I'm gonna be dead straight right now, but I'm so fuckin' lost that my fingers hurt from typing so much so I'm gonna leave you all on a light note. This is only Friday of a really long weekend, so stay tuned for more stories and more introductions.......but make sure that you have a clean pair of slacks on cause we all know that there's alot to be said!!!

P.S. Two chicks are better than no chicks!

I think we're on to something.....

Some people think that wearing the same clothes you wore the night before partying to work is wrong and dirty, but I just think that it's a sign that you really didn't want the night to end. For some strange reason that always seems to be the case on Fridays, and when you have the same gear on you can smell the bar stench all day, and most people around me comment with 'It stinks sooo bad'. However, I don't believe it smells bad at all, it's more of a nostalgic scent that just let's me know why I love to party so much and usually let's me know that the weekend is here.

Entering Friday morning with a dozen text messages and a few emails about plans for the night always get's me excited and a little gitty all at the same time. This weekend however is already sizing itself up to be quite memorable, what with LB's 'rents heading out of town for the entire long weekend. That's right......Monday is a holiday too, which means we must seize and attack Sunday night like it's the last pack of hot mustard left in the entire world.

From doctors to bankers, account managers to students, it doesn't matter because when the weekend arrives we all have one common goal.......making it rain. Trust me when I say this, but around us when it rains it pours. You may be thinking I'm a little out there for wanting to party in the rain, but it usually doesn't matter to me because of the fact that I have a clean pair of slacks on. There's alot to be said.........

"Thanks for helping me out, just remember you scratch my back and I scratch yours....."
"To bad my back is located on my cock."

Opportunity only comes once in a lifetime.....

It's one o'clock, and I'm almost at a loss for words which is odd cause I always have something to say!!! I had to let Hank out of his cage, just so he wouldn't piss my ass off while I'm writing this shit.

I'm gonna be honest with all of you, but I had one of the greatest night's of my life. I didn't start the night off with Memory, Sweezy, LB or the Gucci Princess, but instead with a random girl that I only met once for about 2 seconds. I will refer to her as D (not chewy's D) and will let you all know that she is one of the most amazing people I have met in a long time.

Everybody is so quick to wanna play matchmaker, and I think that's the gayest shit ever. However, when my boy Z told me that there is this girl who wants to holler at me, I thought to myself why not. I actually didn't think that at first, but we'll roll with it for now.

I've been texting D for a few days and really couldn't get a good read off of her from the texts. But after spending some good time with her tonite, I'm completely blown away by her intelligence and people skills. I kinda threw her on the spot by introducing her to some of the most important people in my life (Sweezy, Memory, GP), but not only did she pull it off with flying colors, she actually boasted about them on the way home. I don't know what I did to deserve this but I do know one thing........I ruined what I thought back then was a good thing, and I'm not about to do it again.

I realized tonite that it doesn't matter what random people think or say, but what your heart tells you when your in the spur of the moment. When your in that moment you need to follow it. I guess that's what LB's doing, so if it works for him it can work for me.

I'm gonna play it safe for now, and enjoy the intro phase.......but there is one thing I can't forget.......there's alot to be said about a clean pair of slacks.

Happy Belated Rakhi

So in the Hindu tradition we have this festival called रखी (Rakhi), which is essentially the way I see it 'Sisters Day'. In the North American society you have Mother's Day and Father's Day, but leave it up to the brownie's to take it one step too far and create a sister's day.

Jugdesh's (The Indian Webster's) defines रखी as; A festival celebrated every year on 'Shravan Purnima' (Full Moon Day of the Hindu month of Shravan), which generally falls in the month of August. On the holy day of Rakhi the sisters tie a sacred piece of thread (Known as Rakhi or 'Raksha-Sutra') on the wrist of their brothers. Then they sweeten each others mouths with delicious and mouth-watering sweets. The festival of Rakhi also includes a tradition of offering gifts to sisters by the brothers.

So I read Jugdesh's definition of रखी and I begin to wonder......why the hell doesn't this make any sense to me!! Being born and raised in Canada by very traditional Indian parents I thought I was getting the sweetest deal, by living in a first world country but still getting the full Bombay treatment with the food, the Hindi school on Saturdays and access and knowledge of all the religious holidays. But for some strange reason that definition is nothing like the रखी I know. That definition seems great for people who probably live in India, but for Mr. Me Too it goes a little different.

I never have to worry about missing रखी because usually 3-4 days prior to, my sister will let us all know that it's on it's way full speed ahead. She also reminds us about the 'offering of gifts', and that if they aren't up to her standards were 'fuckin' dead'. Can you feel the love. And this so called 'sacred piece of thread', I guess Jugdesh is talking about that old zip lock bag in our pantry that's filled with a colorful ball of yarn that stinks like India. However, I'm not gonna lie.....I kinda like wearing the string cause people always ask what the hell it is, and I enjoy telling the meaning behind it. My family might not follow Jugdesh's definition of रखी to a tee, but our version is pretty damn good if you ask me.

तेरे'एस अलोत तो बे सैद अबाउट अ चलें पैर ऑफ़ स्लाक्क्स!

There's alot to be said about a clean pair of slacks!

There's alot to be said about friends...

So the adventure begins.....as my day comes to an end, I think I'll just finish my day job and head back to my retreat for some much needed R&R. A good meal, maybe some TV or even a movie seems like the right thing to do. You're about to learn something about me, and that is I can never ever say no to a friend who's down for hanging out or maybe going out for A drink.

When my boy slash little brother Memory has his wisdom teeth pulled out and calls me the same day wanting to go out and do something I begin to question myself....."Is it wrong that I want to stay in tonite and watch TV, when Memory is a trooper who just got his teeth pulled and wants to party???". Not only do I already have a complex for feeling old because my date of birth is quickly approaching, but I start to second guess my ability to keep up with today's youth!

I scoop Memory and then grab another piece of my fam....LB. LB has recently fallen in love, and that's cool cause she's fine as can be and to see him happy is truly heartwarming to me. To mention LB hasn't been out on a weekday all summer long, so this is shocking to me that he want's to roll with Memory and myself.

Starting early in the night can be rewarding, and also can get you drunk by 11:00 o'clock!! By that time the whole crew is there.....LB, Memory, Weezy and my favourite drinking buddy and partner in crime Gucci Princess. I know this sounds like a bad rap group but trust me, we have personality. 58 girls were fallen in love with, more than enough T3's were popped and drinks were drunk to get drunk. We don't know if Weezy made it home, and he doesn't know that the God's license is suspended!!

All in all it was a great moment to see my best boy make it out and be in a great mood. I guess love has a different effect on everybody. I'm just glad that it's had this effect on LB and let's hope it only get's better from here.

Don't ever forget, that there's alot to be said about a clean pair of slacks.

Who's talkin' about what...

So I've never blogged before in my life, but the funny thing is I've been getting all my news/gossip/world information from a blog for the past year. I never really understood what blog's were because I had only heard of something called 'logs', so when I heard the word blog.....what came to mind was logging for bitches. Boy was I wrong!

I never thought that I would care to read so many random peoples views on some of the most retarded things, but I do. So this is where my blogging adventure begins.

Were really doin' it Harry!