Who Says Rap Lyrics are Misoginistic.....

As most people know I'm a huge fan of rap music, and Chris Rock put it best by saying;"I don't care how old I am, I'm always gonna loooove rap music". I got into rap music at a young age and haven't looked back since. I've lived through reversed clothing, Moet sippers, puffy jackets, high top fades, east versus west, DMX yelling, the southside takeover and now I live in a world filled with highly technical choreographed hip hop anthem dance's. I think I speak for the majority of the guys when I say....I will too one day superman that ho!!

As I sit at my desk reflecting on the essence of hip hop and rap music, I'm reminded of one of the great's in particular....The Notorious B.I.G. His lyrics always connected to all ages and gender's accross the world, and as I take a closer look to what Biggie was saying it makes perfect sense.

Biggie's Lyrics:

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money
Those the ones I like ‘cause they don’t get nathan’
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.


Biggie's Lyrics:

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

TRANSLATION:

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.


Biggie's Lyrics:

Don’t see my ones, don’t see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don’t know what the hell’s stoppin’ ya
I’m clockin’ ya - Versace shades watchin’ ya
Once ya grin, I’m in game, begin

TRANSLATION:

Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I’m having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.


Biggie's Lyrics:

First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can’t make
Call and tell him you’ll be home real late
Let’s sing the break

TRANSLATION:

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn’t be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won’t be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.


Biggie's Lyrics:

She’s sick of that song on how it’s so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin’ - don’t bring your girl ‘round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

TRANSLATION:

Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.


Biggie's Lyrics:

You - ringin’ bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve

TRANSLATION:

Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.


Lyrics:

Where you at? Flippin’ jobs, playin’ car notes?
While I’m swimmin’ in ya women like the breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what’s the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
Nuthin’ left to do but send her home to you
I’m through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

TRANSLATION:

You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a need for her presence.


Biggie's Lyrics:

So, what’s it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in ‘em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man’s a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin’

TRANSLATION:

The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.


Biggie's Lyrics:

High fashion - flyin’ into all states.
Sexin’ me while your man masturbates.
Isn’t this great? Your flight leaves at eight.
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.
Lyrically I’m supposed to represent.
I’m not only the client, I’m the player president

TRANSLATION:

You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I’ll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o’clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o’clock. I’ll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.


Not only did he have a way with words....but he always sported a clean pair of slacks!! It's no wonder he was able to connect with us all.

It's The People You Surround Yourself With...

The G-Unit and I all grew up together, meaning we went to the same high school and all come from great families. We all have respectable jobs either with banks, investment companies or high tech computer companies. Since the long weekend is coming up I thought it would be a good idea to have a little BBQ party. I sent out a quick message to the team to see if anybody would be interested and if any one of the G-Unit had ideas for a theme. Seems pretty harmless! This is the response I got, in my opinion from the most reposible/adult like G-Unit member;

hmmmmmm....it could be a weezy fffff baby party were ya can only drink out of styrofoam cups and wear wife beaters with the denim....or a bottles and models party, were we only drink out of bottles and all the girls have too look like models....or it could be a the biggest boss party, were you have to be mottu and wear as much bling as possible and sling as much yay-yo as possible...just throwing those out there for a warm up and feeling it out....

Who's rockin' the shade????

You Can Have Your Cake and Eat it Too....We don't want it!

Birthdays are original, personal, noteworthy traditions. Some people like to forget them. Others prefer smaller celebrations. But for some, the day must be a flag-waving, DJ-playing joyous sloush filled occasion. Some people feel that a birthday celebration isn't complete without the cake, gifts, streemers and all the fanfare of each guest........shut the hell up!! That should only be the case if your too young to plan your own birthday and that's it!! NO EXCEPTIONS!! Don't get me wrong, it's always good to have a party to help celebrate your bday but it shouldn't be detrimental to the overall celebration of the day you were born.

It seems that from the day we were born our parents only taught us one way to spend our birthday's.....and that's with a huge party with all the fixin's, so we really aren't to blame for always wanting to have a party on our birthdays. But think of this; isn't it also our parents that showed us how to grow and mature into responsible "adults" (I do use the term loosely here!) and move away from our younger habits? i.e. No more kids meals and Mickey D's! This also means to grow up and stop handing out streamers and loot bags when your 20!!

We are so used to celebrating our birthday every year that it seems like it's been a tradition almost forever!! However, I did some research and found out the true history behind birthdays and where it all began...

"When early people had no way of keeping track and marking time (except by the moon, sun or by some important event) little attention was paid to the anniversary of a person's birth. Everyone realized, of course, that people grew older as time passed; but they didn't mark any special milestone for it. Only when ancient peoples began taking notice of the moon's cycles, did they pay attention to the changing seasons and the pattern that repeated itself over and over and so they began to mark and note time changes. That's the start of birthday history.

Eventually, the first calendars were formulated in order to mark time changes and other special days. From this tracking system came the ability to celebrate birthdays and other significant anniversaries the same day each year.

It is also said that Birthday celebrations began as a form of protection. It was a common belief that evil spirits were more dangerous to a person when he or she experienced a change in their daily life, such as turning a year older. To protect them from harm, friends and family would gather around the birthday person and bring good cheers, thoughts and wishes."

So there you have it......screw the cake and streamers!!! One of the G-Unit's is celebrating their birthday this weekend, and unfortunately we had to cancel a potential out of town bday throwdown. But after thinking about it, and doing my research I've realized that it's not about the party or the out of town fanfare.....but instead that we're all together no matter where we are (Yes I know this sounds cheezy but it's the truth). You can put the G-Unit anywhere in the world and I GUARANTEE you that we'll have a clean pair of slacks on and having the time of our life with terps.

We Are Adults....

I just wanted to share some pics from Sunday's afternoon get together. You would figure that most of us would take it easy on Sunday's and spend time with the family, since their were kids there......not so much!!! Instead we found pleasure in sabotaging our friends socks....both pairs, and kicking the shit out of one another until someone got a black eye. Good wholesome fun!







This is just the begining, and I know it's sad but there are alot more pics and stories from Sunday's train wreck celebration!! Stay tuned......and don't forget to put your slacks in the wash.

Overnight Camping on Bank St. For This......

Over the last couple of weeks I have read nothing but articles about the NEW iPhone coming out. There was a LINE of people waiting at every Rogers store in Ottawa this morning hoping to get there hands on one. If you were one of those people here is a list of reasons you are a loser.

1) It's not that different from the first iPhone you bought. That you probably still have.

2) You could get one the next day without camping out for a week. (get a job, or a life please)

3) It has NO BUTTONS. Try getting something with a freakin keyboard - like the BlackBerry. Do you have a computer? Would you like to replace the keys with a touchscreen panel? No? Of course not you turds. Touchscreens are stupid and unusable for fast typing. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP PRETENDING YOU CAN TYPE JUST AS WELL AS A KEYBOARD......ALY!

4) The IPhone is a MEDIA device. They may as well have called it the IPOD VII. The phone functionality is secondary to the media functionality. Hey it's a SICK media device. If you bought it for that reason then you get a get out of loserville card! If you bought it and you do alot of emailing and typing - you're back to loserville.

6) In 6 months Steve Jobs (a complete genius) is going to release another version that barely adds anything and you are going to wait in line again like lab rats, then Tarry will come by and get DNLL on your ass!

I could go on and on. Yeah, there is a Crackberry coming out that is a clone of the iPhone...I assure you only the loyal Blackberry fans will be buying it. Gotta give props to Crackberry.

I haven't included many pictures in this article because I want you to read. I understand that it's hard to read sometimes without looking at the pictures but please sound out the words real slow and you may understand them. If you are having too much trouble get the application that reads your emails out loud for you. Wait? You don't have that on the IPhone - sorry forgot. The least you can do is put on a clean pair of slacks and hit the bricks!! If fashion can make a comeback and be cool (bright colors, old school Ray Bans, retro Nikes etc.), then why the hell can't electronics.....think about that.



P.S. This doesn't mean that I don't want an iPhone or have hate towards iPhone owners. Just looking at the big picture!! I should be getting mine in a couple of days:)

Reunited and it feels so good.....

After being born and raised in the same city, you tend to meet tons of people and also get to know them quite closely. What's funny to me is that regardless of the amount of people you meet throughout high school or university, you always seem to have your tight knit crew who's always with you through thick and thin. I like to refer to these people in my life as the G-UNIT, as cliche as that sounds!! (and yes I am a 50 cent fan). Doesn't matter what time of the day or what day of the week, the G-Unit is always there and willing to party or help out based on the situation. However, I feel extremely fortunate to have had my G-Unit evolve and expand over the years from original members to their younger siblings joining, and even randomly meeting (now grade A G-Unit members) through random club hoping nights back in the day. At the end of the day it was fate how we all came together, but what's even crazier is how we've embraced this friendship and brotherhood and taken it to a level where most people look at us like a bunch a deranged lunatics who are living as if it was our last day on earth!!! This is where it begins.....

The G-Unit always jokes around how we're all bluetoothed in the head, but to be frank.....it's no joke. If I had the ability to create a group of friends who were cool, laid back, alcoholic, dependable, level-headed and understanding I wouldn't have even come close to what I have now. God nailed this one perfectly, and that's not to say that we don't have our fights or arguments but they are rare and always make for a good laugh afterwards.

As you know, the Unit recently ventured over to the west coast for Dreamtown's 21st bday in Vegas, but not only was it a celebration bitches it was also a bit of a reunion. One of the founding G-Unit members left us and moved over to Sin City, so as we were flying over the US on our way there, we all knew that not only would we be celebrating the Dream's bday but we would also be poppin' bottles for the reunion. 12 to be exact! When some groups of friends don't see each other for a period of time, the reunion can be somewhat awkward and that's when you know it's not someone who's part of your G-Unit. However, whenever we get together we ALWAYS pick up right where we left off and it's as if not a day went by that we weren't together. This was the case when we entered the Ceasars Palace front lobby after our long journey and reunited with Kemikal Aly (founding memeber of the Unit) holding several bottles of liquor and champagne. It's real love that you don't know about -Circa Massari 2002.

I can go on and on about how cool or clean the G-Unit's slacks are, but I figure I'd let the picture's do the talking.....enjoy!